Dave Donatiu at Denver Labor Day Tango Festival 2009 - Photo by Paul Akmajian

I sit here on Friday early afternoon before the “welcoming milonga” feeling into my state of being as to how I am showing up right now.  What am I feeling?  Where is my attention?  What are my intentions?

I remind myself that right before the last Denver Tango Festival at Memorial Day, Ulysses proposed doing two things – be kind and confident to myself and others.  This proposal opened the doorway to realizing that my incessant inkling of a profound deeper truth existing in Tango, actually exists – The Tango Matrix.  My journey in three months time has wrenched my heart and soul into insights and awarenesses that leave me confronted with a salient bottom line certainty- I get to choose how I show up in the world, yet often I do not.

I believe my choice of showing up originated from as early as I became a sentient being, whenever that was.  Obviously, several levels of showing up can be found.  Yet here I am, aware that I usually do not consciously show up, and certainly do not choose with gusto most of the time.   However, I could enter the milonga hall in 2 hours with an indifference, an unconscious way of being, and still dance, connect, talk, laugh, smile, and be.

But what SCREAMS AT ME are the consequences of being indifferent after experiencing the astonishing power of Magic through the Tango Matrix.  I can continue to feel as I do now- sleepy, somewhat numb, reserved and lightly held back, a little sad and lonely, all because I am not fully showing up.

Many of you who know me would probably say, and do tell me, that you see me as happy, joyful in dancing, smiling a lot, playful and energetic.  I am.  Yet I am also keenly aware of greater levels of showing up – a deeper truth in showing up.  The MAGIC of The Tango Matrix clearly and distinctly offers a vast level of presence, composure, empathy, connection and joy.

What is available within the world of Magic is wonderous, immense, bold, joyous and supremely fulfilling.  How I access this world is through intention, consciousness and humility, dropping into my presence, heart, body, and allowing the wonderment of each individual I connect with to radiate and fill me.  This is a stronger way of showing up, bringing myself to the party/ milonga.

Reflecting on showing up brings to mind the words: intimacy- allowing others to see me by feeling my emotions and breath; presence- feeling my body, breathing into my own lungs, owning my space; awareness– aware of my environment, and intentionally breathing into the presence of others; and connection– opening unconditionally to my partner’s state of being.

SHOWING UP directly impacts the quality of my experience in Tango, on and off the floor in the milonga.  And just as important is that the quality of the dance and my partner’s experience is immensely impacted by how I show up.

In an e-mail, Ulysses weighed in on showing up and Tango:

“Dave, showing up IS Tango, as well as our expression of life.  How we show up IS connection and our tanda on the dance floor: our body’s movement and breath, our partner’s movement and breath, the Tango music and its breath, and the movement and breath of every other couple on the dance floor.  To not show up is to not know Tango.”