Life Choices Assessment
Overview of Life Choices Assessment™
Overview
Before meeting a client for the first time, I ask them to answer four questions. I call this The Life Choices Assessment™.
Over the years, I have discovered that these four simple questions initiate a process that guides individuals to uncover their true wants.
Consider that there is a chasm between what you think you want, and what you truly WANT and NEED.
- What works in your life?
- What does not work in your life?
- What do you want to change?
- What in your past has supported you to make big changes?
Since the beginning of my journey, I have incorporated additional context and clearer guidance, ensuring that even if you do not work with me personally, you will get value from this assessment independently if you fully self reflect and engage.
Do You Know What You Want? Are You Sure?
Before I even ask the first question, it is crucial that you seriously consider the possibility that much of what you believe you want is not accurate.
For instance, do you genuinely understand what you desire? How do you determine if what you want is truly what you want? What selection criteria do you use to choose, decide, or pick what you want?
Furthermore, what is the “YOU” that is asking?
- Is it the hurt little boy or girl within you?
- Is it a role you play in life, such as a boss, employee, spouse, parent, leader, or follower?
- Is it the person who craves more money, influence, or freedom?
And the last thing I will drop into your brain to ponder — do you even know WHAT or WHO you really are — your fundamental nature?
The Challenges You Face To More Authentically Know Your Desires
What we think we want largely drives our actions. Unfortunately, our wants are mostly influenced by unconscious thoughts and expectations shaped by our primary caregivers (usually parents), family, friends, teachers, culture, marketing, educational institutions, groups/organizations we belong to, misinformation, social media and the media.
Why does this matter? Ultimately, others have already provided us with their answers that we think are our own, because they unconsciously instilled within us their beliefs. These beliefs from outside of us profoundly shapes our wants, and we often are not even be aware of who or when they did so. We often answer the question of what we want in a largely unconscious manner — it is some version of what our parents want (or if we are in rebellion, we want the opposite of what they want for us).
Until we wake up (become aware of our unconscious patterns and thoughts), we spend most of our lives living according to the beliefs, scripts, stories, wants, and desires of people and organizational entities (media, …). We all unknowingly influence each other in hidden and misunderstood ways.
I ask again, do you truly know what you want?
Hopefully, you can acknowledge that you realize you probably do not yet really know. If you do not already understand this, it is crucial to grasp it now — no one has all the answers, and will never have all of them. However, you can uncover many of the answers for yourself when you know how.
This is what I teach, train, and hold space for — guiding you to learn how to know what you truly want.
The aspects of yourself that you do not know about but will uncover will ultimately hold greater value and interest for you, your heart and your soul.
What Do You Want? A PRIMORDIAL QUESTION
A Primordial Question
This question is so profound that it is probably the second most crucial question to ask in our lives. I refer to such a fundamental primary question as a “primordial question.” This is the very first question I address with a client, from the moment we meet and throughout all our collaborative explorations.
Hold on! What is the most important question? The most important question is, “Who are YOU?”
I find that most people would rather know what they want, achieve their desires, and make the changes they go for rather than go down that rabbit hole. Additionally it is easier to uncover your true self when you have a clearer understanding of your authentic desires.
Another Reason We Have A Hard Time Uncovering What We Really Want
We are taught in American culture to seek answers from our brains. However, we are far more than our brains — we are the sum of our psyche, soul, hearts, guts, and many other aspects that define our true selves.
These various parts work together harmoniously, like an orchestra, creating a beautiful symphony of life. This symphony resides within what I refer to as a state-of-feel.
State-of-Feel
This place of being — state-of-feel — is about feeling life, not merely thinking about life. In this state, we honor our feelings, sensations, and emotions without attempting to comprehend them, but rather, simply exist with them.
Additionally, our bodies, our “animal nature,” have distinct needs such as eating, moving, breathing, and so on. When we are in a state-of-feel, we refrain from overriding what our bodies may be seeking.
For instance, we might be pushing ourselves to meet a deadline, yet our bodies are feeling stressed. In a state-of-feel, we recognize when we are stressing ourselves and can choose to “push” our bodies or take a break, depending on our choice of how much to push ourselves.
Most of us are taught the exact opposite of state-of-feel. We are taught to override so much of ourselves — our desires, needs, and hearts.
I educate and train people to relearn state-of-feel, relearn because we used to know it. I do this through “Paradox Cure (PC).” PC encompasses skill sets and human technology tools (a fancy way of saying — you can learn how to replicate this yourself).
Once in this state-of-feel, I guide you to access the entirety of who you are in the moment. Here, you uncover what you truly want and need — very different from what people initially believes they want and need.
While in this altered state (altered because for most people, it is significantly different from their usual operating mode), I complete this process with a way to prioritize from the body, state-of-feel, that is not derived from the head.
The different prioritization comes as a huge surprise to about 97% of everyone I have brought through this process. But the best part of this process is how peaceful a person feels — usually the most inner peace they have ever felt. Imagine that!
How You Uncover Your True Desires
If you are following me so far, the next logical question is how do we uncover our true desires? How do we delve into the entirety of who we are? And what are the most effective questions to use to get at our authentic desires?
I have developed and refined an experiential process with many clients and friends. In this process, I pose a series of questions for you to reflect on and answer, followed by a one-on-one experiential exploration done immersed within a “state-of-feel”.
THE Life Choices Assessment™
Answer These 4 Questions
These four questions initiate a process that will help you begin the journey to uncover your true desires. Consider that there is a chasm between what you think you want, and what you truly WANT and NEED, as that has been the case with the hundreds of individuals I have used these questions with.
- What works in your life?
- What does not work in your life?
- What do you want to change?
- What in your past has supported you to make big changes?
1) What works in your life?
Detail out at least total of 12 answers to any of these questions:
- What do you like?
- What do you feel good about?
- What is going right?
- What are you satisfied with?
2) What does not work in your life?
Detail out at least total of 12 answers to any of these questions:
- What do you not like?
- What do you feel bad about?
- What is going wrong?
- What are you dissatisfied with?
3) What do you want to change?
Detail out at least the top 5 answers to this question
- What do you most want to change from what does not work in your life, and/or something that works well in your life that you want to improve it to be better somehow?
Be specific in what exactly you wanted changed and how. For instance, if you want to make better money in your current job, then write exactly how much you want to make. If you want a better relationship, write out exactly what about the relationship you want better — detail exactly what you want better!
4) What has supported you making big changes in the past?
Detail out at least 7 answers to this question, then make sure you are specific in how you were supported:
- When you made significant changes in your past, what factors actually influenced those changes and provided you with support?
Consider examples such as friends, family, professionals, organizations, groups, seminars, classes, workshops, clergy, faith, spiritual practices, and any unexpected life events. Be specific about the exact ways in which you received support.
For instance, if a friend supported you in losing weight, what specific actions did they take? Did they accompany you to the gym three times a week? Did they assist you in discarding or donating unhealthy foods and shopping for healthier alternatives? Did they even cover the cost of joining Weight Watchers? Detailed specificity is crucial in this regard.
How To Get Better Answers
GIVE DETAILS
If you say that your career works for you, be more specific. What aspects of your career actually work? Does the commute work? Does your relationship with your co-workers and boss work? Does the amount of money you earn work? The more details you provide, the easier it will be to identify the changes you want to pursue and the best way to implement them.
MANY AREAS OF LIFE WILL CONTAIN ASPECTS THAT BOTH WORK & DO NOT WORK
You might find that certain aspects of your life work well while others do not. For instance, you might enjoy your relationships with your co-workers and boss in your career, but your income might unfulfilling. It is perfectly acceptable to have both positive and negative aspects within the same area of your life.
However, what is not conducive to a fulfilling life is to live by default — allowing things to happen without actively working to shape your life. This involves actively changing yourself (your habits, beliefs, and responses).
CONSIDER DIMENSIONS TO “What do you want to change?”
WHO do you want to surround yourself with? Consider their qualities, interests, attitudes, communication style, how you feel around them, the overall vibe you get from them, and how they support you.
How do you envision your days? Think about your work, leisure activities, relationships, family, education, exploration, travel, entertainment, personal growth, and giving back to others.
NOTE: Your responses to these four questions, without much guidance, often reveal more about you than the content of your answers.
After Your Life Choices Assessment
What Happens After You Answer These 4 Assessment Questions
Our first meeting takes about an hour. During this time, I review your responses, ask probing questions to clarify, and then provide an overview of your next steps based on your answers.
The initial work we undertake focuses on identifying what you believe you want, so I can assist you in quickly achieving some of the results you envision.
Simultaneously, through a crucial META process I developed, we delve into your TRUE desires and needs. This leads to you living life more on your own terms, rather than succumbing to the default path you have unconsciously chosen to a lesser or greater degree. This work aims to uncover part of your LIVING PURPOSE.
How I Get Quick, Effective, Long-Lasting Meaningful Results
I have worked for over 40 years to develop processes that help you quickly achieve your desired results. However, it still takes some time. I assure you that, on average, the hour you invest with me is easily worth three to more than a dozen of hours spent with most other professionals in my field of personal transformation.
How can I make such a claim — that my one hour is worth much more than with most other professionals in my field? Knowing my answer helps you better understand how to maximize the value of my services.
I firmly believe that it is the responsibility of a hired professional to quickly educate and train their clients on how to best use their expertise and services. It should not be your responsibility, as the client or customer, to figure out how to get the most out of a professional!
Additionally I give homework to do on your own, and provide information resources I have written to explain in depth work you do on your own as well as info I would otherwise have to give during a paid session.
Therefore, taking time to answer these questions thoroughly, is time you do not have to pay me for. This is just one of many ways I make your time with me more valuable than hiring most coaches. Please, show up for yourself fully by authentically and completely answering these questions.