I readan authentic and intimate account of one conscious man’s (Mike) adventures at Burning Man 2014. It inspired me to ask myself, “SERIOUSLY, WHERE THE FUCK AM I GOING WRONG? ” Several areas of my life are in breakdown – a fancy way of saying areas of my life don’t work anywhere close to where I want them to.
Context of Life in Breakdown
Before I answer my inspired question, I want you to know the context in which I ask this question.
- I love life.
- I am deathly afraid of dying – was once part of a cryogenic society to have my body preserved when I die in hopes of virtual immortality in the future.
- I have, and still suffer, pain and debilitating health conditions daily.
- Daily I worry that I might not be able ever enjoy just being alive.
- I live a VERY examined life, and deeply question most things that leads me to uncover the underlying dynamics of WHY things work or do not work: For example, I have learned the underlying body centered skills of Argentine Tango; I uncovered what drives ALL healing, growth and transformation and therefore how to heal, grow and transform more quickly, effectively with long lasting meaningful results.
- I care a lot about whether people get to live and love fully or not.
- I am exhausted through my own health challenges where I am still in survival mode.
- I became aware of my life purpose at 17 – which I engage in EVERY DAY – heal, grow and transform and aid others to do the same.
- I have invested over $100,000 and thousand’s of hours learning, breathing, doing healing, growth and transformational learning experiences.
SO – with all THAT context, you would think I would enjoy my life more, and have a better life. NOT. NO. WRONG.
Don’t some of you have life experiences, and many life skills and awesome tools that you believe should make your life way better too? Anyone? ANYONE? Bueller? Bueller? (Famous line from movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”)
WHERE THE FUCK Am I Going Wrong?
Seriously, what am I missing, not doing or not being???
My best answer is that I resist the hell out of something, most likely life, as evidenced by my huge fear around dying, and immense amount of physical tension and resulting pain.
As I read Mike’s account of burning man, his authentic account made me painfully aware of two things: I use to adventure like he did by throwing myself into emotionally risky situations (workshops/ growth-inducing experiences). And two, I use to have the physical energy and bandwidth to do what he did when I was much younger – 22.
Bottom Line: I used to be a HELL YES to life, emotional and physical adventure. I was even extremely optimistic and more often than not in joy.
NOT now. I am not a HELL YES to much, and only a shell of my early 20’s energy and passion. To be fair, I have way more wisdom, life skills and experience, and greater heart and compassion. YET, where is my HELL YES? And possibly more importantly, how do I get to experience way more joy, power, freedom and ease in my life?
I write because I sincerely believe I will uncover what I do that pushes away my joy, power, freedom and ease in life – my HELL YES to life. And I reluctantly answer my question of, “Where am I going wrong?” –
new actions flow effortlessly from committed choice
PC View – Vitalism – Claim Personal Truth
All the rest follows from accepting your magnificent essence by claiming personal truth. Everything below I uncovered through my journey of claiming my personal truth, and assisting others to do the same.
Clarity – Find Your Hell Yes & Don’t Settle – Ever!
Alignment – Feel Life, Not Think Life
Direction – Strategies/ Road Maps/ Life Skills
Have a good plan, or you are not working the plan
Support – Take Massive Action With Support – Can’t Cross a Chasm in a few small jumps
Compliance/ follow through/ not an island/ You know what makes you motivated. If you really don’t, pay to find out then pay to have someone hold your hand
Take Responsibility For Your Life – No One Will Save You, or Do Life For You!
Investigate – Hold Accountable, Uncover Consequences of Actions, Ecology Checks, Course Correct