EverySOMEDAY-that-has-never-come dissolves, demolishes and destroys my personal POWER! You see, with great excitement, I wanted to announce today that after a decade I finally put out my gifts – The Paradox Cure. I did share my gifts (just created my first Paradox Cure Anti-Personal-Growth Transformation Circles), BUT my debilitating and intense back pain of 6 years has seized my thinking to only dwell on how SOMEDAY I will have the financial resources to hire all of the alternative and medical professionals to change my reality of debilitation and pain.
Another SOMEDAY-that-has-never-come!
The Tango SOMEDAY That Ended
My beloved soulmate and Wife, AKUA (Talyaa Liera), was going to die within a few weeks to a couple of months after doctors diagnosed her with progressed stage 4c melanoma with brain metastasis on July 28th 2012. Shortly after we found that out, she wrote this on her blog, “No More Tango Somedays“:
From now everything changes. I don’t have room for negative. I want us to be downstream. I don’t have time for “somedays”. When we say we are going to do something, we set a date and we do it.
Both of us had said, someday you will dance Tango. Within a short time of that terminal diagnosis I took my soulmate to my favorite Tango dance space, an outdoor gazebo in Kirkland, WA, and gave her her first Tango lesson. Thus ended her Tango SOMEDAY! The specter of death tends to give a powerful perspective, and to me, a great motivation.
Yeah, we have manifested many SOMEDAYS! We recently moved our entire lives to San Diego, only with the financial generosity and help of so many friends, to make a SOMEDAY manifest. We needed to, because our health and literally my wife’s life depended on it.
Putting Stuff Into the Land of “SOMEDAY”
As I stalk my personal power, that which dissolves, demolishes and destroys igniting my personal power is appearing, repeatedly slapping me in my face. I have put ending my body’s constant debilitation and pain into the land of “SOMEDAY” – SOMEDAY Land, because I just have not changed this reality.
As I write this I still believe I need professional help to overcome this, and that others will eventually “save” me. The great irony is I have the most effective tool I know of to heal, The Paradox Cure, that deals with chronic pain. But I have not used it.
To be fair to myself, no one else knows how to do The Paradox Cure. However, I could have my wife facilitate me with my help because she knows it better than anyone. But I have not even had my wife attempt this.
Why have I put my debilitation and pain in the land of SOMEDAY?
The SOMEDAY Land of – never happening?
The SOMEDAY Land of – I hope it will happen, but I need all of this _____ first?
The SOMEDAY Land of – I just have tried and tried and tried but failed so I know I can’t do anything anymore?
The SOMEDAY Land of – only others can help me?
The SOMEDAY Land of – I believe I don’t have the personal power to change this unless the following conditions are met?
The SOMEDAY Land of – I GIVE UP?
SOMEDAY Land = Fantasy Land
SOMEDAY Land = GIVING UP
SOMEDAY Land = being ok with I am powerless!
FUCK!!! THIS. SO. ENDS. NOW.
SOMEDAYS End NOW
You see, I have a KNOWING of what will change my reality, or at least help out a lot, but I don’t want to do it. I resist it!
Why? Because I believe it will be a lot of work, or that I will waste time and fail as I have so far, or that … AND I have to show up in such a big way that I have to do many things I resist: do my healing martial arts (Oom Yung Doe) 5x/ day for 10 minutes each; eat even healthier; eat only enough to stay a little hungry; avoid foods that metabolically don’t work such as tomatoes; stay connected to my body which means a lot of conscious breathing and frequent short meditations; weight train on my own; and many more.
So, what will I do? I am trying to rationalize a way out of it right now in my head. I want to remain in my fantasy land, in my SOMEDAY Land.
My deeper truth is that I am scared to apply my KNOWING to heal myself because I really am throwing a temper tantrum saying
NO, I DON’T WANT TO! NO! NO! HELP ME! SAVE ME! I DESERVE TO BE HEALED! WHAT ABOUT ME? I HEAL OTHERS, WHERE IS MY HEALING? I SHOUDN’T HAVE TO WORK FOR THIS! I WANT IT NOW! I HAVE DONE ENOUGH ALREADY! I HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH! THIS SHOULD JUST HAPPEN!
Hmmmmm. My SOMEDAY Land has spoken. Not a lot of personal power there… You and I shall witness what flows from me owning my deeper truth.
You too have your SOMEDAYS-that-have-never-come. You too have your SOMEDAY Land. What is in your SOMEDAY Land???