Since I returned from SFTX (San Francisco Tango Exchange) where I became unplugged from the Tango Matrix, my experience of Tango has altered. I can sum up my experiences as “living between the Tango beats.” Years ago I became aware of how much exists between the beats in Tango music. Now I sense that I just entered the space between the beats of Life. Here is some of what has altered.
I used to dance mostly two Tandas with a woman, now usually one. I have chosen to dance with women that I have not danced with in a long time. I do not enjoy some woman as much as I used to. I am more conscious of the unconscious behaviors of people working to get dances, relate, learn and love. I love Tango music even more. I am more aware as an observer of my own dancing. I do not compromise my posture and balance for any woman anymore.
I do not enjoy some things I used to enjoy in my Tango vocabulary or musicality choices. I am much less interested in dancing, yet am dancing more. I am dancing with more less skilled dancers, and aware how some of the skilled dancers just don’t interest me as much for they don’t follow as I thought. I have noticed how many follows are not truly following, but just recognizing patterns and performing them. However, the less skilled follows actually follow more for they do not know what to expect so they are listening.
And as in Tango, as in Life – as I have become unplugged, I am exploring how I want to make my way in the world. My view has been altered, and therefore I need to walk a different path. Here is a story that exemplifies some of my more common experiences these days.
On my way down to Denver on last Tuesday, I called a friend to say hi. He asked me where I was, and upon telling him I was 30 minutes from a destination in Lakewood, he replied that he was a quarter mile away from my destination, waiting for people to join him for lunch. He invited me to join him. I happened to be on my way to a business appointment, but decided to be 45 minutes early to work on Tango DJ’ing. So I conveniently had the extra time and joined him.
What wonderful timing – synchronicity at work. This man happens to be finishing a book, which imparts life wisdom and great how-to’s on safety from a collection of stories during his important work in government agencies – VERY important work. Because of his work, we are all safer when we fly in airplanes. I admire this friend in no small way. Not only is he brilliant, artistic, creative, funny and a good man, he MAKES A DIFFERENCE in peoples’ lives.
I used to want to make a big difference. I volunteered a good amount of time in noble pursuits such as initiating men into manhood through the Mankind Project, or staffing for LGAT’s (large group awareness trainings) such as Landmark Education Corp. or fun pursuits such as leading trips for a large ski club in Madison, Wisconsin – Hoofers.
I guess I made a difference here and there. As a therapist I know I made a difference. However, I let my clients go for most of them did not do their homework. They really did not take action to make their lives better, but just wanted me to make things better for them. Why did I bother? 5-10% of my clients actually did their homework. Perhaps everything I did was just for the 5-10%.
Why am I even writing on this subject of making a difference? In the Tango Matrix I am staring at foundational beliefs of how I think the Universe works. I call this an ontological cosmology. So I am experiencing a clash of cosmologies where I have a choice of different cosmologies, but the choice I want to make is radical. Really radical. I will make different life choices depending on the cosmology I choose.
Ulysses left me with these words, “Breath more between the beats. Follow your desire. Allow your calling to call. You will collide with treasures waiting for you at one of your next turns…”